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Green Chri$tma$ Lyrics By Stan Freberg

    scrooge bah humbug everybody

    good morning mr scrooge
    scrooge well the meeting will come to order if you please are all the advertising people represented here

    everyone except amalgamated cheese
    scrooge well if they’re not here for the christmas pitch i can’t help them find new ways of tying their product in to christmas that’s why i’m chairman of this board let’s hear it for me

    hear hear
    scrooge all right abercrombie what are your people up to

    abercrombie ahhh same thing as every year fifty thousand billboards showing santa claus pausing to refresh himself with our product

    scrooge mmmmm hmmm well i think the public has come to expect that and

    abercrombie that’s right it’s become tradition

    scrooge you there crass uhh i suppose your company’s running the usual magazine ads showing cartons of your cigarettes peeking out of the top of santa’s sack

    crass better than that this year we have him smoking one

    scrooge umhmmm

    crass yes we’ve got santa a little more rugged too both sleeves rolled up and a tattoo on each arm one of ’em says merry christmas

    scrooge what does the other one say

    crass less tar

    scrooge great stuff

    cratchet but mrscrooge

    scrooge what who are you

    cratchet bob cratchet sir i’ve got a little spice company over in east orange new jersey do i have to tie my product in to christmas

    scrooge what do you mean

    cratchet well i was just going to send cards out showing the three wise men following the star of bethlehem

    scrooge i get it and they’re bearing your spices now that’s perfect

    cratchet no no no product in it i was just going to say peace on earth good will toward men

    man well that’s a peculiar slogan

    scrooge old hat cratchet that went out with button shoes you’re a businessman christmas is something to take advantage of

    scrooge a red and green bandwagon to jump on

    scrooge a sentimental shot in the arm for sales listen

    deck the halls with advertising
    fa la la la la la la la la
    while you can be enterprising
    fa la la la la la la la la
    on the fourth day of christmas
    my true love gave to me
    four bars of soap
    three cans of peas
    two breakfast foods
    and some toothpaste on a pear tree
    on the fifth day of christmas
    my true love gave to me

    scrooge five tubeless tires

    four quarts of gin
    three cigars
    two cigarettes
    and some hair tonic on a pear tree
    chestnuts roasting

    announcer sayyyy mother as sure as there’s an x in christmas you can be sure those are tiny tim chestnuts roasting tiny tim chestnuts are frillbodied longer lasting this visible shell protects the nut now with xk 9 added for people who can’t roast after every meal

    girl trio tinee tim tinee tim chestnuts all the way

    announcer tiny tim’s roast hot like a chestnut ought and they are
    echo mild mild mild mild

    deck the halls with advertising
    fa la la la la la la la la
    ’tis the time for merchandising
    fa la la la la la la la la
    profit never needs a reason
    fa la la la la la la la la
    get the money it’s the season
    fa la la la la la la la la

    scrooge words to live by cratchet

    cratchet for you maybe can’t you just wish someone merry christmas for the pure joy of doing it

    scrooge why what’s the percentage in that let me show you how to make christmas work for you

    we wish you a merry christmas
    we wish you a merry christmas
    we wish you a merry christmas
    and please buy our beer

    scrooge there you go cratchet that’s christmas with a purpose

    cratchet i know but wait a minute don’t you guys make enough profit the other eleven months christmas comes but once a year

    scrooge humph funny thing you should bring that up that’s exactly the point i was about to make hit it boys

    scrooge christmas comes but once a year
    so you better make hay while the snow is falling
    that’s opportunity calling you

    rub your hands december’s here
    what a wonderful time to be glad and merry

    scrooge just so you’re mercenary too

    buy an ad and show all the toys
    show all the toys up on the shelf

    scrooge just make sure that you get a plug
    you get a plug in for yourself

    scrooge and
    christmas comes but once a year
    so you better cash in
    while the spirit lingers
    it’s slipping through your fingers
    boy don’t you realize
    christmas can be such a
    monetary joy

    cratchet well i guess you fellows will never change

    scrooge why should we christmas has two s’s in it and they’re both dollar signs

    cratchet yeah but they weren’t there to begin with

    scrooge eh

    cratchet the people keep hoping you’ll remember but you never do

    scrooge remember what

    cratchet whose birthday we’re celebrating

    scrooge well don’t get me wrong the story of christmas in it’s simplicity is a good thing i’ll buy that it’s just that we know a good thing when we see it

    cratchet but don’t you realize christmas has a significance a meaning

    scrooge a sales curve wake up cratchet it’s later than you think

    cratchet i know mr scrooge i know

    on the first day of christmas
    the advertising’s there with
    newspaper ads
    billboards too
    business christmas cards
    and commercials on a pear tree
    jingles here jingles there
    jingles all the way
    dashing through the snow
    in a fiftyfoot coupe
    o’er the fields we go
    selling all the way
    deck the halls with advertising
    what’s the use of compromising
    fa la la la la la la la la

    Artist: Stan Freberg

    Year: 1958

    Decade: 50s

    Language: en

    Word Count: 578