scrooge bah humbug everybody
good morning mr scrooge
scrooge well the meeting will come to order if you please are all the advertising people represented here
everyone except amalgamated cheese
scrooge well if they’re not here for the christmas pitch i can’t help them find new ways of tying their product in to christmas that’s why i’m chairman of this board let’s hear it for me
hear hear
scrooge all right abercrombie what are your people up to
abercrombie ahhh same thing as every year fifty thousand billboards showing santa claus pausing to refresh himself with our product
scrooge mmmmm hmmm well i think the public has come to expect that and
abercrombie that’s right it’s become tradition
scrooge you there crass uhh i suppose your company’s running the usual magazine ads showing cartons of your cigarettes peeking out of the top of santa’s sack
crass better than that this year we have him smoking one
scrooge umhmmm
crass yes we’ve got santa a little more rugged too both sleeves rolled up and a tattoo on each arm one of ’em says merry christmas
scrooge what does the other one say
crass less tar
scrooge great stuff
cratchet but mrscrooge
scrooge what who are you
cratchet bob cratchet sir i’ve got a little spice company over in east orange new jersey do i have to tie my product in to christmas
scrooge what do you mean
cratchet well i was just going to send cards out showing the three wise men following the star of bethlehem
scrooge i get it and they’re bearing your spices now that’s perfect
cratchet no no no product in it i was just going to say peace on earth good will toward men
man well that’s a peculiar slogan
scrooge old hat cratchet that went out with button shoes you’re a businessman christmas is something to take advantage of
scrooge a red and green bandwagon to jump on
scrooge a sentimental shot in the arm for sales listen
deck the halls with advertising
fa la la la la la la la la
while you can be enterprising
fa la la la la la la la la
on the fourth day of christmas
my true love gave to me
four bars of soap
three cans of peas
two breakfast foods
and some toothpaste on a pear tree
on the fifth day of christmas
my true love gave to me
scrooge five tubeless tires
four quarts of gin
three cigars
two cigarettes
and some hair tonic on a pear tree
chestnuts roasting
announcer sayyyy mother as sure as there’s an x in christmas you can be sure those are tiny tim chestnuts roasting tiny tim chestnuts are frillbodied longer lasting this visible shell protects the nut now with xk 9 added for people who can’t roast after every meal
girl trio tinee tim tinee tim chestnuts all the way
announcer tiny tim’s roast hot like a chestnut ought and they are
echo mild mild mild mild
deck the halls with advertising
fa la la la la la la la la
’tis the time for merchandising
fa la la la la la la la la
profit never needs a reason
fa la la la la la la la la
get the money it’s the season
fa la la la la la la la la
scrooge words to live by cratchet
cratchet for you maybe can’t you just wish someone merry christmas for the pure joy of doing it
scrooge why what’s the percentage in that let me show you how to make christmas work for you
we wish you a merry christmas
we wish you a merry christmas
we wish you a merry christmas
and please buy our beer
scrooge there you go cratchet that’s christmas with a purpose
cratchet i know but wait a minute don’t you guys make enough profit the other eleven months christmas comes but once a year
scrooge humph funny thing you should bring that up that’s exactly the point i was about to make hit it boys
scrooge christmas comes but once a year
so you better make hay while the snow is falling
that’s opportunity calling you
rub your hands december’s here
what a wonderful time to be glad and merry
scrooge just so you’re mercenary too
buy an ad and show all the toys
show all the toys up on the shelf
scrooge just make sure that you get a plug
you get a plug in for yourself
scrooge and
christmas comes but once a year
so you better cash in
while the spirit lingers
it’s slipping through your fingers
boy don’t you realize
christmas can be such a
monetary joy
cratchet well i guess you fellows will never change
scrooge why should we christmas has two s’s in it and they’re both dollar signs
cratchet yeah but they weren’t there to begin with
scrooge eh
cratchet the people keep hoping you’ll remember but you never do
scrooge remember what
cratchet whose birthday we’re celebrating
scrooge well don’t get me wrong the story of christmas in it’s simplicity is a good thing i’ll buy that it’s just that we know a good thing when we see it
cratchet but don’t you realize christmas has a significance a meaning
scrooge a sales curve wake up cratchet it’s later than you think
cratchet i know mr scrooge i know
on the first day of christmas
the advertising’s there with
newspaper ads
billboards too
business christmas cards
and commercials on a pear tree
jingles here jingles there
jingles all the way
dashing through the snow
in a fiftyfoot coupe
o’er the fields we go
selling all the way
deck the halls with advertising
what’s the use of compromising
fa la la la la la la la la
Artist: Stan Freberg
Year: 1958
Decade: 50s
Language: en
Word Count: 578