she invited me over for dinner
but i knew what she really wanted
or at least i thought i knew
at that time it was difficult for me to distinguish
between kind gestures and blatant comeons
i was in a bad place and my ability to interpret signals was completely off
kind of like crossing the street and not being able to tell the difference
between a red light and a green light
all i knew was that i had to move and so i moved forward
jaywalking through life
people like whizzing cars speeding by
there were hard edges in the air steel
and the only certainty was the inevitable collision
i was the victim
but it was clear i was a willing victim
she invited me over for dinner
and i said yes
come on over for dinner tonight
everywhere i went i was an alien
i stopped for a bottle of wine at the supermarket
it was full of hot mothers and screaming babies
i didnt mind but i felt like everyone was staring at me
true i had had a couple of beers beforehand to take the edge off
and i was buying a euro liter of wine to ease me through dinner
so what
i was wearing sunglasses a white button down shirt and tight black jeans
how did that make me persona non grata at the supermarket
was it the number of cheese samples i had tried
the eighth of strudel
the tenth of backwurst
come on over for dinner tonight
needless to say i wasnt even hungry anymore
the beer had filled me up and now i was a few blocks from her house
at a cafe drinking a glass of white wine
it was hot outside but the inside of the cafe was shady and cool
and the waitress was attractive
i looked at her she smiled at me
i wondered what it would be like to kiss her
the walls of the cafe were mirrored and the person i saw in them disturbed me
hair a mess an emotional wreck
cars sped by outside there was incessant honking as an ambulance wailed
i covered my ears and went to the bathroom
splashed water on my face
pushed my hair back
i said
you can do this
you can do this
what exactly i was doing i didnt know
going to dinner
come on over for dinner tonight
my confidence was flagging as the sun was setting
i took a taxi to her place to ensure my arrival
it was slow languid
and as i sat in the back taking in the city with a buzzing in my head
i looked at the buildings so different from what i knew
people on bicycles men pushing strollers women going to work joggers
i couldnt tell if i was excited or terrified
but something was happening and i determined to see it through no matter what
she lived in a huge apartment complex on the fourth floor
it was difficult to navigate but i knew the way
i took the stairs
the city was old destroyed divided
but the building she lived in was new
i rang the doorbell
she was a strong and independent woman
so i rang it again
we drank whiskey for a while
and when i left i couldnt tell if i was walking on sunshine or eggshells
and still
its difficult to distinguish between the two
Artist: The Strollers
Year: 1961
Decade: 60s
Language: en
Word Count: 256